Endless Love
by IIonezerozero
Summary: What is love? What is lust? You say you love me, Kishinuma-kun, but what do you really know about me? Will your love blind you to my sins, or will you love me regardless? ... ... ... Now, come to me, and show me your love with flesh and soul. Forever and ever.
1. Chapter 1

Heartbeats, one after another; a steady beat. The only sensory input I have.

Where am I?

I can't see anything, just blackness. Nothingness; a void that has no perception or meaning, the space that isn't in between the things that are.

There is nothing here to see, but there is only nothing to look at.

I try to move my fingers, but I can't feel anything. No touch, temperature, or texture. Not even the feeling of my own body.

I try to shout, but there is no sound. Only the pumping of the heart rings in my ear. I don't even know if it's mine at this point. But… for some reason it feels familiar.

A long time passes.

Am I dead?

I don't know. There is too much missing, too much I can't understand. I don't even know if this a lack of something to sense or something to sense with.

The only thing here is the heartbeat; the thumping of opening and closing of valves.

It's gentle. A slow beat, ever present, like the ticking of a clock. Even in this emptiness, time still passes; uselessly, meaninglessly.

Is this what it's like being in space? No, at least the stars are there. This is more like being at the bottom of the ocean.

I saw a documentary once, where they went there in a submersible. They visited a lot of places. Hydrothermal vents where columns of blackened water billowed from rocky tubes that looked like massive stone leeches. Bone white sand spreading out in every direction, an ivory desert under a pitch black sky. Alien worlds that existed on our own planet. But, those aren't the places I'm thinking about. This isn't like those shallow places where the Earth's crust is.

While they were crossing the ivory deserts, they found an oasis. A small spring at the bottom of the ocean. Surrounded by a small ring of stones, a pool of murky grey and black appeared in the white. The water inside it didn't billow like the water from the vents, and it reflected the light from the submersible. Its surface rippled as they drew near. The waves that formed didn't mix with the water of the ocean, as if the pool was made of oil. But, it wasn't oil. Oil is lighter than water, it wouldn't sink here. No, the liquid inside that pool was water. A disturbing pool of water at the bottom of the ocean, penetrating the Earth's crust and going even deeper than the ocean itself could go.

They said it occurred because the water in the pool was denser than the rest, a mix of salts and toxic hydrogen sulfide had dragged this water deeper than the water around it.

It is one of those pools I imagine this is like. An even deeper body of water than the ocean. Lifeless, barren, empty, shutting out light completely preventing anyone from seeing in or seeing out.

Suddenly, my nothingness ends and a new feeling appears.

Heat.

Unbearable heat, as if molten metal was being injected into my chest.

The feeling spreads; into my lungs, up my throat, over my face, down my back and shoulder, and into my limbs. It's as if my body is being burned into existence. Forged, like metal in a furnace.

My fingers curl in agony, back arches in pain as every part of me is made. The only source of relief is breathing. My mouth sucks in cold air, before forcing it out like a pair of bellows.

The pumping of the heart continues throughout the process; unchanging, unmoving. The sole sound I had is gradually joined by more.

The sound of my own heart, racing from the pain. The sound of my choking, as I pant like a dog to cool myself. The occasional groan or scream I give when a new body part is formed.

Pain teaches me the complexity of the human body. For each organ, liquid fire pools and swirls inside me. Every bone, every gland, every muscle, nerve, intestine… Everything is burned into existence.

The heart beats count out my torment, slowly, endlessly.

After a long time, the addition of parts stops.

My body is complete.

I know, because my pain complete. If I was missing something, my pain would be a less. Every part of me floods my brain with warning signals. That's what pain is. A warning signal. A sign of impending death. Even though I am more alive than I was before, there is nothing but death in my mind.

I guess, that should be obvious. Without a body, I cannot die. In reverse, with a body there is nothing but death waiting for me.

Gradually, the heat disappears. It cools from my chest, as if dissipating from its source. The panic signals flowing down my nerves slow to a trickle, then vanish. New sensations are allowed to travel through them. The touch of my own skin, the taste of my own saliva, the smell of my sweat, and the sound of my breathing.

I crack my eyes open, restoring the last missing sensation.

There is nothing. Just blackness.

No, there is one change.

I am here.

Even though there is no light, my body is clearly visible. In a world of nothing, there is me. Naked. Alone, except for the second heart which has been with me this entire time. It continues; gently, slowly.

I remember this place now. This blackness. This nothing.

This is the remains of the Nirvana. The void that was left after it was sealed. An empty world with an alien perception of space and time.

Suddenly, something else appears.

A faint orange dot. A source of light, wavering in the blackness.

I can't see it properly, it's too far away.

The heart starts pumping harder. Gentle palpitations turn into a deeper pounding. The unchanging tempo begins to increase.

The light begins to grow. The orange dot turns into a halo of light, encircling a single flame. The flame of a candle. Orange light radiates from it, like a sphere floating in the blackness.

The candle approaches, then passes me by. It turn to see it, and watch it fly outwards into the nothingness behind me. It grows smaller and smaller into the dot I first saw before disappearing.

Another candle whizzes past me as I turn, then another. A sea of orange spheres, spreads out before me. Like the Milky Way, they spread out as far as the eye can see. A constellation of candles lighting up the darkness, swirling endlessly, going outwards in every direction

Their flames remain still. As if they aren't moving. Even though they rush past me, their flames point upwards, instead of trailing behind their source. No, it's not as if they aren't moving. The candles aren't moving at all. I'm the one rushing past them. Something is pulling me, dragging me towards the center of this sea of flames.

The heart beats are getting faster and louder. My own follows suit, soon echoing the other. The sound of two pounding hearts sends chills down my back and adrenaline through my blood, instinctively making me nervous.

I'm panting, not from exertion, but from fear. There is nothing to grab onto, nothing to push against. The candles pull away as I reach for them, and my feet can only flail uselessly. There is nothing I can do resist, not even a chain I can grab onto and rattle uselessly. The thing pulling me pulls my entire being evenly, as if every part of me was tied to it.

The beating grows louder and louder, drowning out my own. I don't know if this is a sign of me approaching the source, or the owner's excitement growing. It's like a massive drum is being smashed next to my head. The pulse of life ripples through me, causing every muscle to clench, even the ones responsible for making goosebumps.

The heart beat stutters. A triple burst when there should only be two, and a massive wave of something ripples through me.

No, not only me. The candles are blasted by it as well. Flames that were unmoving flicker and spasm, as if a mighty wind has blown over them. Even the blackness writhes, twisting space and the things within it. My body, the candles, the flames, even the spheres of light, everything is forced to follow. We grow, shrink, and twist like the images upon a warped mirror. I watch my arm stretch for miles, before twisting back around my head and touching its own elbow. My right knee bends backwards, sending the foot shooting past my head like over cooked spaghetti. I see the inside of my ear, then my nose, even my back passes by for a moment.

The heartbeat slows down, calming itself, as if coming down from an intense sprint. The world rights itself with its pulsing. Every beat pulls the world back to normal. Twisted limbs, candles, and light are untied and prodded back into shape.

My own heart has slowed down as well, as if mirroring the other. The gentle beating calms me, even after the insanity I saw.

I remain stationary while the world is corrected. Every candle is straightened and unwound, every sphere pushed back into its proper place. After a long time, the candles start moving past me again. I am being taken to the center again. The owner of the heart, the master of this world, the being that can pull space to shreds.

The sea of candles gets thicker as I go. A dense cluster of white stalks and orange flames parts like reed for me to go through.

Sweat beads on my body from the heat. The concentration of so many flames is beginning to burn me. My eyes sting, and I wipe a hand across them. There is nothing but white and orange in front of me now. The blackness is replaced by the sickly white of wax, and glowing orange of fire. It feels as if I'm falling through the sun. Raw heat comes from every direction.

Suddenly, the candles part. They spread out, like lilies on a pond, flying off into the distance. Their flames hanging onto their wicks for dear life.

A single bed is revealed. It's huge, king sized with four posters supporting a large panel above it. Silvery curtains dangle from above, hiding a figure lying on it.

My feet hit something solid. Cold marble, that's what it feels like. I take an experimental step. Nothing restricts my movements. The bindings that pulled me here seem to be gone. I guess that's obvious. This is where I was being taken. This is where the owner of the heartbeat, the person who took me here, the person on the bed wanted me to be.

The heartbeat still echoes around me. It's a little faster than before, but not the urgent pounding before the wave. A passionate pulsing, a drumroll waiting for the main event.

I take another step. The person who called me here is beyond those curtains.

Escape is impossible. No point keeping them waiting.

The shadow beyond the curtains moves, slowly, as if they've just woken up. The rustling and crumpling of soft blankets comes with every movement, like the sound of dry leaves under foot. Blurry shadow sharpen as they approach. It's approaching the curtains on all fours. I can make out thin shoulder and long hair, as well as a curved back. A woman's silhouette, smooth, graceful, almost like a cat.

The feminine shadow reaches the curtains, and raises a hand to them before stopping.

I can hear breathing. A harsh panting, followed by a loud swallow. The licking of lips and the creak as weight shifts on the bed.

The raised hand remains on the thin cloth, as if resting on a glass window.

A mix of smells seep out from the individual in front of me. Tulips, soap, sweat, and something else... tangy like an orange yet deep and musky.

My body begins to heat up, and a drop of sweat runs down my back. The heart inside me caught up to the one outside a while ago. Saliva pools in my mouth, and I swallow.

The figure flinches a little at the sound, then presses harder against the curtain. Small fingers dimple the cloth, reaching towards me.

Unconsciously, my hand begins to rise towards them. I watch as my fingers meets the shadow's, and pushes against them through the curtains. Both our hands spread out, her fingers stretching as far as they can go against mine.

Eventually, our palms touch. Her nails barley reach the second joint of my fingers. Cool skin sucks at the excess heat that radiates from me.

Slowly I stick my other hand through the curtains, and gently pull them open.

A woman sits in front of me. Naked as I am; her white skin glistens with sweat, pink nipples stand out from two small breasts, and black hair flows down her shoulders. A pink tongue traces similarly colored lips, before darting back inside. Her narrow throat pulses as she swallows. A blush reddens her cheeks, and her eyes stare up at me.

Blue eyes. Eyes as familiar as the heartbeat, as familiar as every part of her body I just saw.

"Kishinuma-kun."

That name, my name… How long has it been since I've heard it called like that?

Tears begin to flood my eyes.

I've wanted to hear this. That name. This voice. For so long it's been silent, the only recordings of it in my memories.

A cool hand rests against my cheek.

"It's alright." She smiles, and a tear trails down her cheek. "Come."

Her hands pull me to her chest. I sink into the groove between her breasts. The smell from before becomes stronger as I'm buried in its source. Soft mounds caress my cheeks, wiping away my tears.

"Kishinuma-kun…" She caresses her head gently. Cool fingers tousle my hair and stroke my neck.

A shadow covers my face as she bends over me. I feel her nose push apart my hair and her lips as they press against the top of my head, kissing it.

"Kishinuma-kun." The arms wrapped around my head and neck unwind. Palms press against my cheeks, and turn my face upwards.

A pair of lips press against mine. Saliva seeps into my mouth, followed by a tongue. A deep kiss; aggressive, hungry. She presses down on me. The breath from her nose feels like steam. Her tongue slips under my own, teasing it, stroking the underside, lapping at it like a cat with a bowl of milk.

Her smell flows into my nose, hair trails down my cheeks, draping their strands across my shoulders.

She pushes down, stronger than before. The tongue inside my mouth tastes me, sliding over the roof, and across my teeth.

Suddenly, she sucks. Her tongue pulls back at the same time as her body, dragging on top of her.

Gravity pours the fluids in my mouth into hers. Her throat gulps, drinking them in.

Slim fingers slide along the back of my head, and hold me in place. Lips shift as she twists her own head, and thrusts her tongue into mine again. This time, I reply. Our tips push against each other, before sliding past. The inside of her cheeks are smooth, velvety. Neatly arranged teeth tickle the bottom of my tongue and I explore the roof. A ridge slopes gently in the middle, and I push against it. Fingers tighten, pulling me closer.

My body rests on hers, my waist in between her legs. Soft thighs press against my sides, and squeeze me gently as I push down on her. Blood has already filled my member a long time ago. Nerves crackle as it pulses up and down.

I want to feel her with it, to touch her with it, to press into that soft skin and feel her along it.

Pushing down on her further, I pin her to the bed. She starts to pull back, and my tongue strokes the ridge along the top of her mouth. A muffled moan echoes into mouth, and I stroke the inside of her thigh. Velvety skin sends sparks down the shaft, and up my back. I stab my tongue down her throat for more and she twists her head away. My own head follows, stopping her from escaping.

Her breathing accelerates. Short panicked breaths from her nose brush my cheek.

Electric sparks fill my brain.

More.

I want more.

My hands wrap around the thin wrists pushing against my shoulders. A little pressure forces the arms they are attached to them into the mattress. She wriggles underneath me, but that only brushes my skin with her breasts and stomach.

I trace my tip down her thigh down to its base. It runs into something hard, the feeling of bone under skin, muscle, and fat. I stab into her mouth in frustration, and continue searching.

Feeling my way from right to left, I prod something softer than skin and she squeaks; a groove in between her legs.

It's damp. Something sticky trails down the lips. She's already came once. I guess she couldn't wait for me.

I suck on her tongue hungrily as I prod into the softness. The tip slips across the lips, but doesn't go in.

Sparks fry my brain, burning away everything.

I want to go in. I want to feel her.

I stab, and her back arches. The smooth stomach presses against my own. Her body still hasn't let me in.

I push harder, and her waist pulls back away from me.

Irritation. A different sort of spark, like the embers of a fire, flow through me.

My hands grip her wrists tighter. Bones groan in protest as she squeak in pain.

Her arched back flatten, bringing her waist back to me.

I push against her again. Trembling lips nervously slip to the side. She grunts as I enter.

Warm. Wet. Smooth. All of those are transmitted up from the tip to my brain, cooling the overheating circuits within it.

The tongue at me laps at my own, weakly, as if it's groveling before me, begging me.

I suck on it. I pull her in as I stab deeper into her. The feeling of her tongue in my mouth as her bottom half swallows me triggers every nerve in my head. Up and down disappear, as if my brain is at the bottom of the sea. Floating, that's what it feels like.

Weightless, zero gravity, free.

Suddenly, I'm on my back. Springs groan as I slam into the mattress. Shinozaki sits nearby with her backed turned towards me. She coughs heavily, followed by ragged breathing. A hand wipes her eyes.

The electricity from before is gone. Feverish circuits cool down, returning reason.

What did I just do? What happened?

Something damps touches my shoulder. It's the spot Shinozaki's head was at. It's damp, soaked with tears.

My body freezes, ice goes through my veins.

What did I just do? What have I done?

The ragged breathing has calmed down, replaced by sniffles.

She was crying.

Since when was she crying?

I don't remember.

I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember.

No matter how hard I think, the information isn't there. Everything I felt is engraved in my mind, but that's it. Only my feelings, my greed, my lust.

What have I done?

My hands shake, eyes blur. It feels as if something is crushing my chest. Some invisible fist gripping my ribs, threatening to squeeze until I pop.

I want it to. I want it to crush me.

Everything blurs, the world spins.

What have I done… I… I didn't… I…

"… won't forgive you…"

The words freeze my mind.

I look up.

Blue eyes glare at me.

"I won't forgive you."


	2. Chapter 2

"I won't forgive you."

My heart stops. The organ feels like it's missing, gouged out. Then, stabbing pain; as if I was impaled through the chest.

The shaking of my hands has spread to my shoulders. I can hear my teeth chattering.

Small hands clamp down on my shoulders. Thin arms force me back. The bed creaks from our combined weight.

"Was it fun?" She glares down at me. "Was it fun, making me cry?"

No.

I didn't want to do that. I didn't know what was happening. I just…

Nails run across my chest. Her left hand holds me down while the other scrapes across my skin.

"Do you like making me cry?" She smiles. "You've made me do it so much."

Fingers grip one of the two protrusion on my chest. Twisting and pulling, they stretch the skin and fat mercilessly.

"Does it hurt?" She pushes me down as she pulls.

It hurts. Phantom sounds of snapping and tearing flesh go through my mind.

But… something warm is flooding my chest at the same time.

An itch, somewhere deep inside my ribcage, tickles me. It tiptoes up my spine and into my skull, stopping me from stopping her. It chains my arms to the blankets, and locks all my muscles in position.

"Feel it…" She whispers in my ear, and sucks at my neck.

I feel.

The hard front incisors.

The pointy canines.

The wet lips.

The stretching of skin as she sucks.

I feel them.

"Hear it…" She whispers as she releases me for air, before clamping down again.

I hear.

The sound of her suckling.

The gulp of her throat.

The rustling of air from her nose.

The pumping of both of our hearts.

I hear them.

Warm pleasure. Like golden syrup running across brown pancakes, it covers and infiltrates my mind, filling it with sweetness.

Sweet.

Sweet Pain.

Even though it hurts, I can't push her off.

Sweet.

Sweet like syrup.

My brain laps up the warm sticky sensation Shinozaki's mouth and fingers create.

But…

It's not enough.

Like syrup, it leaves me thirsty. The more I drink the drier my throat becomes.

The more she pleasures me, the more I want. An endless loop of accelerating heat.

The warm feeling that filled my chest burns a hole through it, leaving emptiness and thirst.

My lips feel dry. My throat burns. But, I can't move.

I want more. I want more of her.

"Pervert."

Shinozaki's lips leave me as she spits the word out of her mouth.

"Are you feeling good from this?"

She glances at the guilty member, and snorts.

"This is a punishment, Kishinuma-kun."

Her fingers twist.

Pain.

It splashes me in the face, waking me from the haze.

"Feel what I feel."

She digs her nails in once, then lets go. Marked skin throbs and reddens, as she slides her hand downwards. Slim fingers trace my skin. They run across my stomach, part curly hair, and slide up the shaft.

"What do you feel?"

The question is whispered into my ear. She leans back, and smiles at the answers my body gives her; at the hardened nipples, at the pulsing organ in her hand, at the rapid panting of my chest.

My cheeks flush. Embarrassment. Shame. Betrayal. All of them mix inside me, twisting my face.

"Feel it…" She smirks at my expression, then grips.

All the emotions in my mind shatter. White lightning flashes before my eyes.

"Not yet."

Her fingers loosen, and I collapse. Nerves sputter and crackle, fried from the feverish arcing moments before.

But… I'm not released. Blood still pounds through the rod in Shinozaki's palm. Synapses, temporarily silent, start firing again.

More. More.

The feeling slams into my smoldering brain. What was I feeling before? Why am I not trying to take more?

My blurry eyes, focus on the woman leaning over me. She smirks again, then strokes me. Every millimeter she moves detonates a cell in my brain. They explode, releasing every addictive chemical into the nerves around them.

Fingers climb the rod.

Higher. Go Higher. Higher. To the top.

Sparks crackle and snap in my brain, seething to run wild down my spine. The overflowing electricity makes my waist twitch and jump.

"No…" She smiles.

Thin fingers squeeze; nails pointing downwards. Five lines of searing heat burn through the rod and into my mind.

I choke, but my body is fixed in place. She holds me in place with the organ in her hand; like a gypsy performer controlling a marionette.

"Don't." She brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes with her free hand. The fingers of her other hand relax, and gently smooth out the indented skin.

"This is my fun, Kishinuma-kun." She whispers. "My enjoyment." Her tongue flicks my ear.

She starts stroking again, and I bite my lip. My head feels like it's in a vice. The hand wrapped around the shaft might as well be surrounding my brain. Hands hold onto the blankets, twisting and pulling them.

I tried to take something without permission, and now she's returning the favor. My pleasure is her plaything.

The stroking hand continues; holding me inches away from release.

My eyes look up at her

Her body is small, almost childlike. However, I want it.

Pink nipples stand up from small, white breasts. Black hair flows down her thin neck and shoulders. Her stomach is smooth and flat, except for the depression where her navel is.

I want it. I want to touch it. The thought of touching that white skin again; to suckle on those breasts, to lick that stomach, to bury my face in that neck…

I start to sit up. Her hand pushes down on my chest, but without the guilt to chain me, it's not enough.

She frowns, and digs her nails in again.

My arms buckle, sweat beads on my forehead.

"You're really bad at learning, Kishinuma-kun." She sighs as I grunt.

"But… that just means you can't wait any longer, right?" A kiss lands on my forehead. "Alright, I'll release you. Now, shoot it all over yourself."

What?

"You heard me." Her fingers tighten. "I want you to spray all of your own body."

I don't want to. An instinctual form of shame is holding me back. I grimace at her, and blue eyes study my expression.

A snort. A dismissal, and her hand increases its speed.

"What's wrong?" She tilts her head. "You're fine with dirtying my body, right? Or do you not want to cover your own skin in your stuff?"

Blood pools in my shaft and my cheeks. My fingers curl into fists; teeth grind together. It feels like it's going to burst.

No. Don't…

I feel something in my head slip. A chain reaction goes off. Sparks arc down my back and into the shaft. Muscles squeeze, and I feel something rushing out.

A warm stickiness splashes my stomach as I feel muscles contract over and over again; violently spurting out a white liquid.

It came out.

My face grows hot, and an unspeakable sadness spills from my chest. Pathetic. Weak. Those emotions reddens my face with shame, and make my eyes water.

Shinozaki watches me, and I turn away from her.

She chuckles softly, and her fingers move again. Another spurt of liquid comes from the part of me, jumping and twitching in her hand; dirtying both of us. A sticky, squelching sound comes from around my waist as her fingers scrape up the drops and smears off of me.

The cold air replaces the warmth of her hand, and I peek at her from the corner of my eyes. Her hand cups the liquid; a creamy jelly, and brings it to her face. She sniffs it twice, then opens her mouth, and swallows it. Lips slurp, and throat gulps. Once she's finished drinking the pool in her hand, her tongue laps up the remains clinging to her skin like honey. Her tongue cleans her lips, and flicks a cloudy drop that had escaped from the corner of her mouth back into it.

She glances at me. My eyes quit peeking long ago, and had been watching her every movement.

"How was it?" A Cheshire grin turns towards me. "Fun?"

I turn away. It felt good, but I can't enjoy the feeling. My pride as a man is in tatters. The fact that I couldn't hold it in… it felt like my body had betrayed me. Shame burned my cheeks while a cold empty feeling froze my stomach.

She snorts at my silence, then giggles to herself.

"That's a cute expression you have there, Kishinuma-kun. Tell me, was it so frustrating to be ejaculated by me like that?"

Her fingers stroke the limp object in between my legs, and I bite my lip to hold back a gasp. Overstimulated nerves crackle from her touch, burning out all other sensory input.

"Oh, there's still some left."

Her fingers smear some of the remains from my earlier ejaculation; the few drops that landed on my stomach, and the faint film of transparent slime coating my crotch.

"This must feel cold."

She rubs a finger over the sticky fluid, making it squelch.

"Let me clean it up."

She bends down, and I feel her lips against my stomach. A feminine grunt, and I feel the warm air from her nose against my skin. She sucks and licks at my stomach, removing the stains and replacing them with her saliva. Her lips move lower and lower down my body, moving from stain to stain. Eventually, her head reaches my waist, and she stops her cleaning. Getting up, her eyes look at me from their corners, and a grin crosses her face.

She crawls over me and kneels down between my legs. One hand cups my sack and the lifts up the lifts up the limp rod attached to it by its base.

My hands curl into fists, holding onto the blankets as if grabbing them would allow me to hold onto my sanity. I gasp, then clench my teeth to stop myself from making any more noise.

Something wet flicks me. Warm, soft, and rough. Her tongue. It strokes the tip of my penis before travelling down the shaft.

The wet slurp of saliva and semen comes from her mouth and my crotch.

She continues licking me, over and over, as if she trying to coat the entirety of my penis with her spit.

"Mhmmmm, mmmmffffff. Sluuurrrrppp. Ah…" She ceases her licking, and she looks up at me from between my legs. A predatory light glints in her eye with a smirk to match. Her lips pucker, then kiss the tip. Sparks whiten my vision. White hands lift up my still recovering penis, as if telling me to watch her. The tongue that was lapping at me, licks her lips; covering them in a wet gloss. She bends down to kiss the head again. Soft sensation slams into the back of my like a sledgehammer. Her mouth pushes down on me, and her lips part. Slowly, she sucks me in to her mouth.

Blood begins pumping again, and the part of me in her mouth swells. I feel myself growing in her, pushing against teeth, tongue, and the inside of her cheeks. She sucks as the shaft swells, as if trying to bring more blood into it.

*Gulp

She swallows. Her tongue ripples, scraping against the bottom, pulling it in. Her cheeks squeeze from either side. The hard feeling of teeth lightly squeezes down on me. I feel myself going deeper, deeper, till I touch somethings soft and squishy; the back of her throat. Folds of flesh hook on to the groove between shaft and head, holding me in place as she takes what's left of me into her. Her nose touches the tangle of pubic hair at the base, and hot air blows through it with every breath.

Part of me is surprised she isn't gagging. The rest is torn between letting her continue, and stopping me from grabbing her head and thrusting into it. My hands grab fistfuls of blanket to stop them from reaching for her hair. It's not enough. Her slow sucking only excites, only stimulates.

My waist twitches upwards as she goes down again, making her grunt in surprise. Her eyes swivel upwards to glare at me, but that upturned gaze only eggs me on. I want to feel more of her. I want to feel her faster. Both my hands reach for her, and she narrows her eyes.

Something sharp begins to dig into my skin. Teeth, hard teeth close down on me.

My body tenses, and the guilty hands quickly return to the bed. She opens her mouth a bit more and licks the faint indentations along either side of the shaft, before swallowing me again. Her jaw slowly moves up and down a few times; a gentle nibbling that barely leaves a mark, a reminder of who is in control and who isn't. My teeth clench every time hers squeeze me.

Suddenly, she swallows me to the base and sucks me. A grunt escapes me, and she slowly pulls off. The soft insides of her cheek, tongue, and throat press on all sides. Slurping sounds come from my waist as she sucks on me like a straw, before finally letting me go with a wet pop.

I watch as her chest heaves up and down, causing her small breasts to rise and fall. A drop of cloudy liquid leaks out of the corner of her mouth before being caught by a finger and scooped back inside.

Suddenly, I feel some one watching me. My eyes move up, and notice her stare. A slow smirk plays across her face, and she opens her mouth. Pink lips part. Strings of saliva and something else lengthen and break as she turns her head upwards to show me her insides.

A few drops of something white and sticky floats in a pool of her saliva. The slight rippling of her tongue causes them to sway. The material in her mouth trails further back, into the blackness of her throat.

As I watch, a few bubbles burst from the pool, waking me from my daze. I look up, and see blue eyes watching me. Her chest heaves slightly from breathing with her nose alone, but her eyes show no pain.

I feel my face heat up. She's toying with me, showing me things and then watching my reaction.

Slowly, her mouth closes again, and she swallows. A loud gulp follows, and her throat bobs slightly.

My mouth starts to water. The fever from before flames up again, burning away my restraints and reason.

She watches calmly as my breathing accelerates and body tenses, before standing up. Her soft hands place themselves on my chest, and push down as she straddles me on her knees. Her back arches like a cat, and blue eyes look down at me.

Small breasts dangle in front of me. The pink dots on top of them stand up; bright pink on top of white.

My arms wrap around her chest. I want to pull her towards me; to bury my face between those soft mounds.

"No."

Her hands slide from my chest to my biceps and push them down; forcing my arms apart. Smooth fingers run along my skin until they reach my hands, weaving her fingers between mine.

"I want to watch you."

She leans forward, slowly pushing down on my hands. Her arms force my elbows into the bed, and the muscles in my forearms tighten to support her. It's as if we're pushing against each other. I'm stronger, but she has gravity on her side. The two forces cancel each other out, pinning our limbs in a stalemate.

"I want to see you face." A small smile appears as her eyes narrow. "Your expressions. Your emotions… All of them."

Her hips twist, grinding against me. A warm wet softness strokes the bottom of the rod, making my eyes close and my mouth gasp. I hear her chuckle in response, and crack open my eyes. Lust. The emotion radiates from every feature on her face. From her cheeks, flushed red. From her eyes, feverish and half closed. From her lips, wet and slightly parted, upturned in a smile. Hot puffs of air tickle my skin as she pants.

She rubs herself against me again. Her hips move herself from the base to the tip. A sticky sound, like peeling half-dried glue, comes from between us. I can feel her heartbeat from the small nub pressing against me, as she can feel mine from the way the part pressed against her jumps regularly. Smooth skin parts, and the wet folds hidden underneath are pressed against me. The opening, that was so hard to enter the first time, now lies open completely.

Blue eyes look at me through half closed lids, and she shifts herself so the depression between her legs rests on the tip of the rod between mine.

She lets herself drop, and my world goes white.

* * *

 **A/N:** I really REALLY struggled with this bit. A lot of the time it felt like I was banging my head against the wall and was more than half tempted to throw in words like p n12 or v 91n4.

A lot of my processing power was spent thinking up ways of talking about those two organs in a way that didn't use those words, while still trying to make it sexy.

Call me old fashioned, but I find myself rolling my eyes more often than not when reading literary erotica that uses those two words or other slang when trying to make things intimate (unless it's hardcore BDSM (the sort with dungeons, whips, and ball gags (not my fetish btw)) or another sort of violent situation.). Then again, having spent almost a month slogging through this, I can see the benefits of throwing one's literary creativeness to the wind and just writing 'he just f* * * * *d her dammit!'. (God, the number of hours spent on a single sentence trying to figure out what other phrase I could use was hair pullingly, tear inducingly, 'god, what the hell am I doing with my life' thinkingly painful.)

Anyways, since I've spent what felt like the majority of my creativity on this measly passage of 2903 words, a review to tell me whether you found it arousing, disgusting, annoying, bland, etc. would be much appreciated.

To answer a couple of questions:

Yes, what he did is classified as that.

Yes, this is within the Aftermath setting.

No, Yoshiki is not under mind control.

Yes, this is Ayumi.

To put things in context. Yoshiki's been caring for Ayumi for a while, and (let's be honest) as a guy he has more than a little sexual frustration building up inside of him (A little like James Sunderland from SH2). He's not going to ever try to have sex with an unwilling person or someone who isn't conscious, but here he has finally met the girl he's loved for years and years and she just gave him a kiss like that (while naked). I honestly don't see his reaction as too OOC. Also, he's in a place that he doesn't seem to have any control over, he doesn't understand, and what might even be the afterlife. A lot of inhibitions can go out the window in that situation.

Nevertheless, I do think he's pretty confused at the moment (which might be the same as being influenced), and confused people tend to just end up going with the flow of things and reacting to everything with more instinct than thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Up and down, her body moves over and over again. Wet warmth swallows and sucks repeatedly. She pants with each movement; small breasts bouncing, pink nipples erect. The fingers entwined with mine squeeze each time she goes down. All I can do is grit my teeth as I feel the soft bumps and ridges within her rub and squeeze me.

Suddenly, her back arches, and she gasps as she squeezes down on me. Heat and pressure, like the center of the sun, feels like it will fuse us together. Slowly, she lets go and she leans over me again. Her cheeks are red, eyes are sleepy, and a tired smile is on her face. She lowers herself to my face, and kisses me again. The hand that almost crushed my fingers with her orgasm rest in my palms, limply. But, even during her gradual descent from ecstasy, her hips grind against mine. I am rubbed against her insides; softly, warmly, gently.

Huh… is this it? Shinozaki seems to be finished, but my member is still fully erect. The gentle pleasure gradually turns to teasing, and the lack of ecstasy grows into a small annoyance. Come to think of it, up till now, she's been the one doing everything. True, it didn't feel bad, but I want to try somethings to. After all, I was never one to just sit there and take it.

A cheeky smirk turns the corners of my mouth upwards. Shinozaki continues kissing me, obliviously.

As she grinds against me again, I thrust forwards. It was a light jab, but the forward motion of her hips combined with it sends me deeper than I've ever went. There, something hard touches me lightly at the end.

"Kya!"

Her mouth breaks off from mine as she squeaks in surprise. I blink in surprise as well. What is this? I poke at the hard object inside her, and she spasms again. It feels like cartilage; hard, but slightly flexible. I prod at it slowly, and my member slip off it into a spongy wall. Shinozaki squeezes her eyes shut, and trembles in response.

The hard thing inside her is like a hill; a small firm point in the middle with soft valleys around it.

A smile crawls across my face as I watch her shiver and tremble from my prodding. She's been having her way with me this entire time. A little pay back isn't too much to ask, right?

I pull back a bit, and then hit the hard part within her a little stronger than before.

Shinozaki's eyes snap open. The fingers that were resting on mine limply squeeze down.

"That hurts, stupid!" She glares at me; brow furrowed, teeth bared.

I can only blink in response. The change in emotion is too quick. Gradually, the casual cheeky side of me cools down, and I open my mouth to apologize. But, she doesn't allow me to. Her mouth covers mine as I open it, and she ravishes me with her mouth as before. Hot gusts of air tickle my cheek, as she plunges her tongue into my mouth, as if in revenge for me poking her. Finally, she pulls back, breathing heavily.

"You're no good at this, so just let me do it."

… Ouch...

I lie there for a moment as Shinozaki shifts herself on top of me. Half of me wants to curl up in a corner and cry. The other half is still standing to attention and enjoying it as she shifts and twists on top of me. Of course, they are my upper and lower halves, but man… that one stung.

I guess I am a virgin, so I'm not the best partner in the world, but still… Well, Shinozaki always liked getting to the point, and she's still connected to me, but... Ugh. There was no way for me to avoid this situation. I didn't want to do it with anyone else, and I wasn't going to do it while she was sleeping.

"Kishinuma-kun." She looks down at me, slightly quizzical. I guess, I'm still a bit shell shocked. She lets go of my left hand, and reaches down to stroke my cheek.

"Kishinuma-kun. It's alright." _"Kishinuma-kun… It's alright."_

Two images overlap each other. Shinozaki overlaps with a different Shinozaki. Black void overlaps with a girly room.

Headaches. My vision sparks and flashes from them. Static covers my vision, and I grunt in pain.

"It's alright Kishinuma-kun. Relax." _"It's alright Kishinuma-kun. Relax."_

The same words. The same voice. But, the sources are different.

A chill runs down my spine, and I look up Shinozaki. Two of her look at me. One is naked, and has her hair untied. The other is in her school uniform, and her hair in pigtails. Both are straddled over my waist, but one is a memory, and the other is from right now.

"Kishinuma-kun?"

The overlap fades, and only one Shinozaki asks a question.

I remember that scene. I don't know how long ago it happened, but I remember when and where it happened.

It was the second time I entered Shinozaki's house. While I was catching up on what had happened in the real world, due to the week I lost inside the Nirvana. I received a folder full of documents and newspaper clippings from Niwa. In it, I learned of the new past that Shinozaki received after losing her original one. In one of the later documents, I found out her sister was raped and murdered before her eyes.

I lost it.

I ran all the way to her house, and there, I ended up trapped in an illusion. An illusion that was meant to keep Shinozaki safe.

I learned of this later, but Shinozaki wasn't alone when she returned from the Nirvana. A spirit, Sachi, tagged along with her. That spirit was of an unborn child, and attacked the others and me a number of times for entertainment.

Because Sachi was an unborn child, she wanted a body. She wanted to experience the world with flesh and blood, and not just as a spirit. She possessed Satoshi's sister, Yuka, in order to do that. She took over her body, and then tried to murder Satoshi with it.

That Sachi was now stuck with Shinozaki, and she still wanted a body. For some reason, she couldn't take over Shinozaki's body, so her only option was to make a new one… using Shinozaki's body.

The illusion I was caught in was for Sachi. It would make her believe Shinozaki's body was moving as she commanded it, and make her think she was successful. However, making a baby requires two people. So, I was used as the partner in that illusion.

Inside the illusion I had sex with Shinozaki. It was well done. Every detail, every touch, every sight, smell and taste were replicated with perfection. The only thing it couldn't replicate, were the people within it.

That memory was from the memory of that awful night. The night I thought I had betrayed Shinozaki, and done something that could never be forgiven.

"Kishinuma-kun?" The person above me asks again.

I glare at her.

"Who are you?"

This world was strange from the get go. I can't remember if today was the time of the month Sachi would attack again, or even if the illusion was functioning properly. All I have are the vague memories of fearing that Sachi was beginning to catch onto the deception that flicker through my mind.

I can't remember. I can't remember!

Is this world just a dream? A nightmare born from the stress of dealing with Sachi? Am I simply in the illusion again, damaged from repeated uses against the same target?

Or did Sachi figure out how to subvert the illusion? Did she change it so it would make me forget things, change it so I would help her get a new body?

The woman blinks at my question, then smiles.

She lies down on top of me, putting her mouth next to my ear.

"I am Ayumi. Shinozaki Ayumi. Can't you tell from this?"

I feel her against me. The smoothness of her skin, the slight prodding of her nipples, the softness of her stomach.

I want to believe her. I want to believe her with all my heart.

But, fear freezes the blood inside my brain. My heart pounds painfully, and I can feel my arms beginning to tremble.

If Sachi managed to trick me. If this isn't just a dream of Shinozaki, but her comatose body…

I need to stop. I need to stop right now.

Thankfully, I haven't come inside her yet.

That's not enough to prevent pregnancy, but that's the only saving grace I have.

If she gets pregnant… I might not be able to stop Sachi from being born. An abortion is out of the question. Even if Sachi allowed the doctors to destroy her body, I'd still lose Shinozaki. A comatose women can't get pregnant on her own. What I've done would be rape in the eyes of the law. Telling them you were spiritually hoodwinked into getting her knocked up wouldn't stand in court. After that, the Grave of Maltuva or one of the other cults could easily slip into the where she's being held and take her. I might be able to rely on Niwa, but that's not guaranteed to work either. Not to mention, she might try to take custody of Shinozaki from me.

Even if Sachi ends up being born, I need to protect Shinozaki. Sachi's birth won't kill her, but her falling into the hands of the Grave will.

Of course, I can't abort the baby myself. I'm not willing to take that risk with Shinozaki.

Even before that, I'd never be able to look Shinozaki in the eye again. If I did have sex with Shinozki, then I've done something unforgivable. Even if I was tricked, the fact that I let myself slip, the fact that I let Sachi outsmart me is my fault. I was supposed to be looking out for situations like this. Preventing this from happening was the reason I studied and trained with Ayato. If I screwed up, then I've not only betrayed Shinozaki, I've betrayed her parents as well.

"What's wrong?" Shinozaki looks into my eyes. Her expression is confused, troubled, and a little sad. "Don't you believe me?"

I bite my lip.

My heart hurts, every beat threatens to burst it.

Is this really Shinozaki? Is this just a dream? Digging through my memories shows no answers. I don't even know what I was doing before arriving here. Just a jumble of feelings and images with no notion of when or in what order they happened.

I was taking care of Shinozaki. Asuka asked me to look after her… and then?

Blackness. The memories are just gone, as if someone had taken a bucket of tar and painted over them.

What do I need to do in this situation? How do I break free?

The information doesn't exist. Even though I know that there's an illusion that's supposed to protect Shinozaki, even though I know how it worked and its general concept… I can't remember how to control it. I can't remember how to break free.

"Ugh! Kuh!"

I grab my head as pain turns my world red.

It's not there. It's not there. It's not there. Nothing is there.

The skills I had. The things I learned. The abilities I mastered. None of them are there.

Is this what a lobotomized person feels? This despair of knowing for certain you used to know something, but can't remember what it was? The feeling of loss, of all the hours spent learning or practicing something, and then having it removed without reason or warning?

A cold hand touches my forehead, and the pain recedes. Splitting agony tones down to a dull throb, and I squint up at the person above me.

"Calm down, Kishinuma-kun." Shinozaki smiles at me. "It's alright. Just lie down. I'll do the rest."

She caresses my cheek, before sitting up on top of me again. My lower half, oblivious to the agony I felt, or maybe due to some survival instinct, was still hard inside her.

Once again she begins to move, up and down, pleasuring herself with my body.

Would Shinozaki act like that? Was this how she would behave?

That's all my brain has at this point. My memories are a mangled mess, and even if I did have them, I don't have the skills or abilities to break free. All I have is my body, and the memories of Shinozaki before she sealed the Nirvana.

Goddammit… what the fuck have I been training for all this time if I can't even use it?

My eyes are hot, and the Shinozaki bouncing on top of me blurs out. Hot liquid begins to spill out from my eyes, trailing down the side of my head, and wetting the hair above my ears.

Frustration; a mixture of sadness and self-hatred. The feeling consumes my chest, filling me to the brim, and spilling out my throat in chocking sobs.

Dammit… Dammit! DAMMIT!

"Kishinuma-kun!" Cool hands clasp my cheeks. I realize that I'd been yelling. Like a child, I'd started crying and screaming. My weakness had overflowed from my mind to my body.

Goddammit.

Crying like a brat in front of Shinozaki… Now, even if this isn't some illusion and Shinozaki really is here, I've made a mess of things.

"What's wrong?" He eyes scan my face worriedly. Her brow is furrowed slightly. Her mouth is slightly open. I remember this face. Shinozaki would make it from time to time. She made it in Heavenly Host. She made it in Kisaragi. She made it when she first lectured me in that bathroom.

"You… are you really… Shinozaki?"

I don't care about everything else. I don't care that I've lost all the power I've gained or the skills I polished. I don't care that I don't remember what happened before all this, or why this is all happening. That question is all I care about.

"Are you… really… Really…! Shinozaki?" My voice trembles, as does the rest of my body.

To be honest, it's a stupid question, but I have to ask it.

"Stop speaking stupid. Of course I'm Shinozaki Ayumi. Who else could I be?" Shinozaki says with Shinozaki's voice, and the same look of irritation Shinozaki would have.

But… my heart keeps hurting.

That question is stupid; not because the answer is obvious, or because I've already asked it before.

It's stupid because, at this point, there is nothing she can say that can convince me she's telling the truth. Truth is based upon fact, and fact is based upon events. We only know truth because the events that led up to it make sense and are connected to each other. My memories are a mess. I don't know what happened when, or where, or even if it happened at all. Thus, my truth is based on what I've seen, and the few memories unrelated to this situation I have.

In short, the truth of what Shinozaki says is not something she can provide, but something that I have to decide upon. I have to believe if she's telling the truth or not, that is all. That's why, no matter how many times I ask that question, no matter how many times she answers, my heart will know no rest; my doubt will not lessen a single bit. That's why it's stupid. The answer is not something she gives, but I decide.

And if I decide wrongly… both Shinozaki and me would pay for it.

It could be too late already. The seed needed for Sachi's body could be implanting itself in Shinozaki's womb right now; provided by the pre-cum that I'm sure has already entered her.

I look up at Shinozaki's face. She continues staring down at me, worried, sad. Her hands continue to hold my cheeks. The skin is soft. The touch is gentle, but firm.

I close my eyes, and feel more tears spill out.

I don't even know if this is Sachi's trick. For all I know, this could be a Grave spell I got caught by on some job, or an attempt to hack into my mind to find where I live. Niwa can tear out memories and information from someone's head, but that's only because of her affinity and a specific Reigu. The Grave needs to coax the information from its captives.

I grit my teeth at the continued uselessness of my memories. All they do is give me another possibility, and not an answer. The only thing that grows is my confusion and despair. I don't even know how I know that the Grave does that. Did I deal with a similar situation in the past, or did Niwa tell me in one of the long chats we often had while we worked together?

"Oh, stop it!" Shinozaki snaps at me. "What's wrong with you? It was just getting good. Why'd you have to ruin it all?"

I snort. Yeah… That's Shinozaki alright. From the way her voice rises in pitch when she's irritated, to the bluntness of her words. If I was in her position, I'd start to get annoyed too. Everything seems to be going well, then your partner has a mental breakdown and starts sobbing like a baby. On top of that, they ask you if you're the real you over and over again.

"You were having fun until just now." She huffs. "Just lay back and relax."

She lets go of my face, and sits upright again. Even though my head and heart are still confused, my lower half remains undeterred. Great, I don't even know if I can trust my own body anymore.

Shinozaki shifts herself into a more comfortable position. She's still frowning slightly, but the lust from earlier remains on her cheeks. Even after that mess, she still wants to continue.

Up and down, she starts moving again.

All I can do, is grit my teeth, and hold on.

The pleasure begins to return, but I can't enjoy it anymore. All I can do for now is resist it, and buy time.

If this is the Grave's doing, then hopefully Magari or Niwa can get me out. They were still fighting the Grave, if I remember correctly. Me ending up in their hands should be a bad thing for them.

If this is Sachi, then all I can do is hope I can remember something that will let me break free.

And… if this is Shinozaki?

…

I don't know.

All I can do is compare the Shinozaki before me to the one I swore to protect a long, long time ago.

* * *

 **A/N:** And so, we enter into the more twisted part of the story. It's only down hill from here. I wonder if any of my readers remember the scene from the PC-98 version where Yoshiki and Ayumi are trapped in a room together. The situation got really ugly between them. I feel that this piece is kind of like that.

Doubt. Fear. Confusion. Resentment.

All of those boiled and swirled within that room, leading to a rather scary situation. You could even call that mix 'horror'.

It is by adding 'lust' and 'love' into that mix that, I think, you get true erotic horror. Eros is merely an expression of those two, so merely mixing eros with gore will not provide you with erotic horror. That's probably one of the biggest flaws a lot of erotic horror writers have.

Writing Ayumi(?)'s lines was probably the most fun I had, to be honest. She really does look like and sound like Ayumi, even to the point where she doesn't just coddle Yoshiki when he starts crying. She's always been a little harsh with her words, and not just with Yoshiki.

Thinking about it, when I said that that woman there was Ayumi, I might not have been as truthful as I was in my previous A/Ns. I mean, this is Ayumi, but that doesn't mean Ayumi is doing this willingly. After all, the question preceding that was whether Yoshiki had been under mind control. It also doesn't answer from what viewpoint that is Ayumi. It could be that she thinks she is Ayumi, but Yoshiki doesn't think she is Ayumi. In that case, from Yoshiki's perspective, is that Ayumi?

Well, TLDR, whether that's Ayumi or not should have been answered by the readers, and not me.


End file.
